I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
