Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize