Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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