I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
