why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
