Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
