i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
