I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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