Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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