I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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