but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
