she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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