I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She announced her abortion via fbk
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
