you told grandpa to call you daddy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need water and some morals
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize