I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
