But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
