Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to be your penis for a week.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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