Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
