I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
