I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
