i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
