ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
