I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
