i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
