u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
