He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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