He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
