what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
