Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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