She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
