I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My room smells like vodka and shame
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
