Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
