I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ruined the universe
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
