I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So drunk its hurt
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
