I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
