I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize