im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
