Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
