i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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