listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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