Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
