Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
