your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
