you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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