That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
