2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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