hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
