we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
