The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
