what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
