A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
