Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
