I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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