We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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