was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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