YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
