If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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