I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
