I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
