all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
