the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
