That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
