Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
