pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
