So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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