The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
