so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We have started to decorate penises.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
