I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize