UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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