i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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