He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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