ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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