I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want her autograph on my taint
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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