Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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